1. Double-clicking is becoming obsolete. Quick-launch icons and internet browsing have become its deathwatch beetle. Unless you’re the kind of technophobe who thinks you have to double click on internet links to open them, but that’s just silly.
2. My digital radio not only has an alarm clock and a sleep function, but the digital display is light-sensitive – so it turns out the light when you do; saving you from nasty LED glare in the middle of the night. How jolly clever!
3. You don’t need to buy an expensive vegetable steamer if you have a pot and a sieve.
4. Using greasy body lotion before going to sleep in an extremely cold room is a mistake.
5. Any timescales quoted by your solicitor as being reasonable for completion of a property deal should be at least tripled before you’re even close.
6. I will never learn how to play the piano properly.
7. Dishwashers need to have some kind of special salt added to them regularly, or your dishes will eventually start to come out more clarty than they were when they went in.
8. Adding salt after realisation number 7 will not bring your wine glasses back from cloudy hideousness.
9. Enid Blyton was a bit more risqué than I had previously supposed. Uncle Dick and Aunt Fanny anybody?
10. Nobody wants to spend money on business writers during a recession. They think they can do it themselves. Sigh.
11. My feet go blue with alarming regularity.
12. I don’t suit my natural hair colour. Turns out there was a reason I started dyeing it 15 years ago.
13. It’s actually pretty easy to get a part in a movie – if you really want to, and you don’t mind that it’s unpaid and directed by a student. Hey, everybody starts somewhere…
14. A squeegee is far better than a towel for wiping down your wet room after showering. Oh if only we’d known, perhaps our downstairs neighbour wouldn’t have lost her ceiling.
15. If you’re feeling in any way blue, down or sad, visit www.comparethemeerkat.com for instant chuckles. Either that or watch the sneezing panda on You Tube.
In response:
1. – Yes.
2. – You spent to much on your alarm clock.
3. – Just realised?
4. – I have images of you preparing to swim the channel?
5. – Wouldn’t know.
6. – True.
7. – You didn’t know that?
8. – Oh my god.
9. – I’ll take your work for it.
10. – Fools.
11. – Old age.
12. – You HAVE a natural hair colour?
13. – Your gonna be a star dahling!………possibly.
14. – I’m so glad you don’t live above me.
15. – Who said advertising doesn’t work?
Conclusion: You have too much time on your hands Duff…………..in retrospect that probably applies to me to considering this reply…….hmm.
Thank you for your time sir.
I hope you consider it well spent.
BTW, there was a “blink and you’ll miss it” cameo appearance of my natural hair colour as recently as 4 weeks ago. It was swiftly banished in the manner appropriate to unflattering items such as orange catsuits.
Regards
Bleach Girl