This is just a quick one – writing time has been significantly eaten into since the arrival of our gorgeous son Lewis on the 10th December. It’s been manic and more stressful than I could possibly have imagined, but more wonderful and joyful as well.

I’ll write properly about the birth and its aftermath sometime in the next ten thousand years when I have time (and brain power) enough to do it justice, but in the meantime here is a brief list of things I have discovered so far about being a new Mum…

1. Beware your baby - I suspect human beings are genetically programmed to believe their offspring are so perfect and beautiful that if they look at them for too long they will gradually turn into a gibbering, weeping mess. I looked at Lewis’s wee bum chin for a bit too long yesterday and ended up in tears. 

2. Project management, networking, copywriting and (I would imagine) rocket science are all a piece of piss compared with the challenge of taking care of a new baby. All of the above are generally attempted with the benefit of a decent night’s sleep and some sort of previous experience – try instead attempting to figure out what’s wrong with a tiny human being who doesn’t know what he wants and couldn’t tell you if he did, but certainly knows he’s not happy about it; this immediately after going through the most intense physical and emotional experience of your life, followed by no time to recover. Nice.

3. Breastfeeding is great! No, seriously – the happy hormone rush you get from feeding naturally is what enables you to deal with the sleeplessness and the culture shock without going completely hatstand.

4. Breastfeeding is bloody tricky! I’ve not managed to get to grips with it at all – yes we can get the baby latched on and feeding, but what the heck are you meant to do when you’ve fed him constantly for 2.5 hours and he comes off screaming for more? Does this mean I don’t have enough milk for him? Does it mean I’m not doing it properly? Or does it mean that he’s just a crazy insatiable milk monster who’s “cluster feeding”? Nobody knows, we just have to wait and see if he puts on weight or not – which I’m  far too much of a wimp for. Hence he’s getting bottles too…

5. I was deeply in love with my husband before Lewis came. However I never could have imagined the depth of feeling that comes with seeing him holding our son. Yes, I know it’s outrageously slushy but I am not ashamed!

6.  One emotion I didn’t expect to come with motherhood? Guilt. I feel guilty for sleeping when Gus is looking after Lewis to give me a break, I feel guilty for feeling relieved when I get a chance to sleep without Lewis chuntering away in the same room as me. I feel guilty for giving him a bottle of formula when he just can’t seem to get what he needs from me – basically parenthood is one enormous guilt trip. Thank goodness for Lewis’s wee bum chin, you just wouldn’t put yourself through this for anybody that you didn’t think was utterly perfect!

7. For the love of God, try not to get a cold right in the middle of your new baby’s 3-4 week growth spurt. That way madness lies.

8. Never underestimate how much a tiny baby can (and wants to) eat. 

9. Finally, try not to stress out when you haven’t finished writing your latest blog article and you run out of time because you have to hook yourself up to the breast pump again…

Ah the joys. It’s all worth it though.